Dress: ASOS Curve Red Carpet Velvet Drape Maxi Dress in Ocre (size 22, currently on sale...you need it!)
Gloves: Finale Velvet Gloves, gift from Kate
Purse: Vintage
Shoes: John Fluevog, gift from David
Long Earring: etXarte
Earring & Bracelet: Vintage Miriam Haskell
Hat: The Galway Hat Shop, gift from Kate
Fascinator: NakedOrchidGarters on etsy, gift from Kate
Photography: Super Boo, Jason, Kate, elly, & Me
Stats: 5'7" 55-50-64
Me: When I was young I thought...someday I'll get married. I didn't dream of the dress I'd wear or what the wedding would be like...I just wondered who was out there for me...who would he be? Also, when I was young I thought...someday I'll be an adult...which we all know is 18. 18 came & went & 28 & 38...maybe I'll be an adult when I get married?? And maybe when I get married my life will begin. Not because I needed someone in order to have a life, but because it seemed connected to being an adult. Now I think being an adult isn't any one thing. It's not even important...what's important is living your life...being present. I only just realized this in the last few years...this is my life...whatever that means. To me it means I still don't have all the answers...but I'm here & I'm trying. And I get to be married to my best friend & we get to try together. Marriage means I'll always be there to support & encourage David...but I'll also mess up & say or do the wrong things. And it will be okay...because we'll figure it out together. To me...marriage means I'm letting you all know...I choose him. You don't need to get married to choose someone...I chose David long ago. But I want to be married to him because I love David & I love our life. I love our life together.
David: I want to say a few words about life, and love, and death, and music, but first I want to talk about me.
I suppose you might imagine I am a difficult partner, but really, I am not so difficult. I am impossible. I can't even imagine it. I don't think I really have a good idea of how intimidating I can be, or even how often. What is it like to have the patience I require in the face of my emotional swells that will not be denied? What is it like to partner with my overheated mind, which is always tickling something out of the deep, always foraging into the old country our consciousness would rather not admit?
You would have to ask Meshel. A few people in my life have let me come as close as a respectable length. Only Meshel accepted me, all of me, and likewise only Meshel opened her --- self to me. Maybe we need someone who needs us. I need to be needed. And maybe we also need someone who can help us learn that sometimes there is nothing we can do but be with the person closest to us as they struggle, as they win or lose or something else. Meshel is the only one who has been there with me at these times, and Meshel is the only one to allow me in to be with her as she has struggled. We have developed our own sort of dance, and in that dance we take the space we need for ourselves, and when the measure changes, we let each other in to be together.
And so we are closer and closer together, and quietly and crucially apart. Together and apart, apart and together, so goes the dance. But what happens when the music stops?
I spoke so boldly just now of the importance of struggling on our own, but Meshel broke that code. Meshel, when the music stopped chose to be with me in that place where being ends, and thus began the music again. This is love that makes everything worth having possible, and beautiful. love that gives life meaning.
Death, I suppose, also gives life meaning, and, perhaps like you, I have had occasion to consider death at greater length than I often speak of. But I will speak of it now, to fill in a bit better what I meant about the music.
This past summer I had good reason to believe my vital life was finished. You already know that, earlier this year, I could barely stand, or walk across the house. There was no treatment for me, and my condition indicated death was not so very far off. I was in a dream that would not end, for days and days and days. After six weeks of this yawning timeless nothing, I gave in to the undeniable. This was the end. And then the truest thing I knew was that I could not allow my fate to heave Meshel into the vast abrupt with me. I told Meshel she needed to move on, that she must so she could live her life, because I was not coming back. The dance was over, and there was nothing anyone could do. I said what I believed. Given the hand I had been dealt, it was the only play left. It was entirely reasonable.
Meshel, however, is not reasonable. She is too passionate, too alive, and too in love with me, to be reasonable. And Meshel would not listen to my reasonable babbling. She told me she would never leave me, no matter what. And it is true. And this became the truest thing I knew.
Meshel would not go on without me, and I could not allow the thief, which had stolen life from me, to rob her of hers. And thus the gordian knot had to be cut. It is in exactly this way that I am better now, sufficiently better. I know I will live a vital life for as long as Meshel does. I know in a way I simply did not used to that our time in this world will not be forever. And I also know in a way I never imagined that it will be long enough.
We're calling the new house The Death House, because we will no longer get by-by preparing for a life which never seems to arrive. We have decided to stop saving life for good, because there is no such thing. There is only each day, born once and gone forever, and so each day, we dance. We celebrate. Unafraid of death, we embrace life, through the love we share in us.
With this ring you took the time you needed, and you let me be part of that process as you contemplated it in every way. Throughout, you never lost sight of what you really wanted, even though meeting your desires would be neither sure nor easy. You looked with me for the right artist, and when you found someone you believed you could take a chance on, you did, you allowed for the artist's work to surprise and delight, and behold, it does. Oh, it does.
Meshel, you fill my life with our music, music that for so long was a song so distant it was really only a promise made in a reverie. You fulfill the promise, and so much more. This elegant ring, that becomes you so well, symbolizes our life, our love, our dance, and our music's the most beautiful thingI have ever felt run through me, and it is everywhere, and it is all the time. I am never without us, and I never will be. I belong to us, and I belong to you. Everything I am, have, or will ever do, with this ring, is ours, without limit and without end.
Me: I choose you. I choose you to be my family, my lover, my partner, my Super Boo. You push me to places I don't want to go, but need to. You support me even when what I want might not make sense to you. You hold my hand when I'm anxious & I know everything will be alright. You make me laugh. And you make me cry. You drive me crazy with love. And frustration. You have shown me what love can be. You accept me. You see me. You give me stamps. You've given me many wonderful gifts through the years...but my favorite is cuddling with you in bed with the doggies...& I get to have that gift every day. I love how we play & I love being silly with you. And I feel lucky to be able to do that for the rest of our lives. With you. You're the one for me. I love you.
Since Meshel and David have been together for so long, it seems like getting married might be just a formality, but I don't see it that way. I see this as a celebration of their relationship and of how it has grown and what it has become. Back in the early days, I never could have imagined the relationship that we're celebrating today growing out of the seemingly fragile seed I watched being planted. I didn't even think it would grow roots since it was dug up and replanted so frequently those first few months. Meshel has always needed someone to challenge her and earn her respect, and David had no problem doing that, but it seemed like there would be no way for balance and stability to go along with the challenge and the struggles. But the relationship I see today is more stable than ever. It's strong and vibrant and mature. It has been a long time in the making, and the roots it has grown are so deep and strong because of not only the struggles they have gone through but the hard work that both of them have put in to growing what they have together. They have done the work of learning to really see and hear each other, they have done the work of figuring out what they each value and what the other values, they have done the work of learning to communicate with each other better, and, through all that and more, they have done the work of discovering how to turn the love they feel for each other into a healthy and growing partnership. It's work that is ongoing and I hope it will keep going for a long time to come, but it's work that is showing so many fruits right now, and I'm so honored and happy and proud to be here with them to celebrate those.
Congratulations! Happy moments & A Happy New Year as well!
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